Sometimes extenuating circumstances lead us to approach things differently.
I've spent a lot of time being angry about things from my past, and it's not that the anger hasn't been warranted, but I think I made the rigid-thinking mistaken of throwing the baby out with the bath water.
I hate that phrase.
But, it was easier for me to push everyone away in my real life when I realized I was in Autistic burnout and started the official unmasking journey as an Autistic person.
Recently, I've been thinking about a few of those people a lot. I realized the only reason I wasn't reaching out was because I didn't know if they'd be... annoyed?
I mean, that could be a very real concern or a prime example of trauma combined with rejection sensitivity... so I decided to follow my gut instead of my brain and I reached out.
I'm glad I did.
Like so many of us, I've spent a lot of my life feeling lonely - and being alone. I've made the mistake of giving too much of myself throughout my life in an effort to make sure others don't feel that way, and in a very quick reverse-course over a year ago, I stopped. Completely. Extreme intervention, I don't know.
But, there are people who still matter to me. And now that I've had time to better-understand and dissect who I am in all types of relationships, including my own trauma responses, I can step back in and try to rebuild different ones with the people who matter.
At the very least, it doesn't have to be a never-talk-to-me-again situation.
Ahhh rigid-thinking, you silly goose.
Stay regulated,
Shauna
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